Friday, January 11, 2013

To Begin Again

2013.  I haven't written a thing in over two months.  That's because I need to re-conceive this blog.  Going forward I plan to speak truth (more on that concept in a minute).  I will write about life, things I notice, things I forget to notice, and stuff I find along the way.  I think you're gonna like it.

Truth.  If there is one thing I have learned in 42 years on the planet, it is that truth is hard.  Though it WILL set you free, the process is never without doubt, never without a little twinge of discomfort at the very least.  I have learned if you can live with the twinges you will find that there is simply MORE of YOU.  The anxieties and second guessing that come from NOT living truth tend to fade away and open you up to MOVE - move on, move away, move up . . .

So try it.  Find one small thing that is not true for you.  Maybe you don't really have the desire or the time to volunteer on that project.  Or maybe you really don't want to get together with that family member all the time because they are negative and you feel exhausted after every encounter.  Or whatever.  You don't have to make this a big confrontation thing.  Often, whoever we speak to can't here our truth - that's part of what makes speaking truth so hard.  You speak truth for YOU - not for others, and not in any hope of a standing ovation from the universe.  You will probably not feel remarkably free or joyful or whatever as a result, either.  There is almost always doubt.  After all, you are a smart person - there must be a reason you have been doing whatever it is that makes you unhappy for so long.  The point isn't to have fireworks of joy, but to get a little space, a little relief.

Tell them you can't keep doing what you are doing.  You don't have to be specific.  They either won't care or will question you incessantly   It WILL be uncomfortable.  You might think, "Why was I doing this if they don't really care after all?" Or, "I hate this third degree, if I say no, I mean no." Or the truth deadly, "Maybe I should just keep doing this and tell them I will keep going." Listen to YOUR truth - not theirs.  They are working from their priorities - NOT yours.

If it's family - I avoid confrontation I don't think will make a difference and lie.  That's right - in speaking my truth - the need for relief from a situation - if I have to - I lie.  Tell them I have a conflict, or whatever.  As I have gotten better at this I stopped lying.  It is a lovely side effect of keeping up with speaking truth.  But lie if you have to - its okay - what you need is space and practice.  You can work on the honesty part as you get better.  Just promise yourself that next time you try to be honest.  Although sometimes you just can't with family.

So speak YOUR truth, if you can, somewhere little.  Tell your kids you won't do their laundry.  Make a family event of it - teach them to use the machine.  Buy a bunch of paper plates, napkins, cups, and declare weekdays a low-to-no-dishes-that-need-washing zone.  Give away half your stuff.  Whatever might give you some relief.  Speak your truth.

Namaste, my friends.